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But considering that this is aimed at six year old girls, it was never going to be Intellectapalooza.īarbie participates in a dull and uninspiring side-scrolling platform mission to buy shoes or something. These move hilariously slowly, making the whole game laughably easy, since jumping from platform to platform is basically the extent of the challenge throughout the entire game. Occasionally, little moving platforms come along for you to jump onto. Like Barbie, all I can do is jump inelegantly over them, like a sheep trying to get over a fence that is slightly too high. I don't know about you, but I see those things in my own local mall all the time. Meaning she controls like a shopping cart with a wheel missing.Īssuming that you manage to vicariously steer Barbie in the correct general direction through the mall, you have to dodge various obstacles such as some little shooting floor things and bouncing furbies. She's one of those modern women, with her own mind. After all, we all love to play with dolls, don't we? They're like little people you can dress as you please and bend and contort to your every whim and desire, but this particular Barbie will do anything but. Judging from her choice of outfit, or lack thereof, one could suggest that the title is rather fitting. In this context it means she wants to buy some shoes and match up pairs of bows, but in the real world it means something quite different. Yes, it's that bad.īarbie is a Game Girl, she is. From there it's a steady decline into drink and eventually, insanity. Eventually, rainclouds form over your head from your condensed sweat and precipitation begins, which makes your mood even worse. Instead you sit around bashing the buttons in a desperate bid to get Barbie to JUST FUCKING STEER, with your mood becoming increasingly dark and irritable. There is nothing fun about this and the playing experience is non-existent. See, the word "game" generally brings connotations of something which is fun and which you play, and with Barbie Game Girl you do neither. Barbie Game Girl is not, strictly speaking, a game.
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